`` Bleach ** rukia **

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Today, I didn't accompany Dear Dear to work, as I didn't get enough sleep for the past few days. So I decided to rest at home today, and wait till she knock-off den I bring dinner for her. But it seems like I don't need to do all these le, as she is going to work till 10.30pm. I don't know what the hell the manager is thinking la, work for 12hours. If Dear Dear is going to get extra pay for the overtime, I really don't mind her working. But she is going to work for the same amount of pay!

I really got nothing much to say le, I don't know what to say le. The thing is that she know that I am going to cook for her, and she didn't even ask for a earlier knock-off time. Den now, I also got no mood to cook anymore le, is like kena let airplane like that. Very cui de lehz...

Den I didn't saw her sms during her lunch break, and replied around 20mins late. Just as I was replying, she has to go back to work. I like super sian la, don't even have the time to talk to her. Only thing I can say is CUI! really feel like scolding 三字经 to express my feeling lehz... Haix... Really don't know how to say le la... The feeling is so irritated and like got a 气被卡在心里.

I feel like just ignore everything and don't care about anything le... Although, I know that she needs to work to earn money, till she have to work almost everyday. I just don't know why she has to go according to everything the manager say. Now I know how important her job is! I know she will say that she applied 2 days off for me during 31 March and 1 April. But the problem is that is like a special day, if you choose to work on that day, den I can just say that our honeymoon period is really over!

I really feel that her job is more important than me. Really don't know what to say, just feel like expressing myself and don't know how. Super irritated. Pissed!

posted at 5:10 PM

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Monday, March 16, 2009

Dear Dear,

I really don't know how to tell you, when you say that in my heart you are not as important compared to ELF. Sometimes, when I make my time to accompany you, I have to push away a lot of people (including ELF, my buddies and even my family). I really don't know how to tell you, as I do not want to let you feel that you are causing me to push away people. I just feel like a knife stab into my heart when you say that.

Although I am very undecisive when it comes to choosing between ELF and work, as you know that I have spent 2 years in ELF and all my effort and time is spent there. Do you believe that I can just leave without even thinking?

The reason I am moving towards staying in ELF is because you supported me, and you told me to not leave ELF. I am very touched with the things you said, yet you are now saying otherwise. It might be not what you mean, but I really feel push towards ELF and now being the person who can't promise and think of you.

I really don't know why, but while writing this my tears keep dropping. I really felt fortunate and blessed when you encourage me to go back ELF when I know that deep in your heart you wanted me to work with you at New Balance.

The truth is that, if you want me to choose between you and ELF. I would choose you.

The reason I am in ELF, is because when I am in year 1, Arif and me wanted to create a home feeling in ELF. The place where everyone wants to be and yet only the selected few who have the chance get to be in the group. For that reason, I have spent all my time and effort in ELF to make everyone wants to stay in ELF. This means that even causing myself to be an unfilial son that eveyone is calling me.

You might be thinking that why am I talking about ELF when I said that I would choose you. The reason is simple, and that is, I want to create a home with you.

It might sound silly and stupid, but that's what I feel.

I have spent almost the whole night thinking about our relationship, and I have thought of a few things that I would want to share.

I am feeling that you might think that where we are should be more than enough, but Dear Dear, I may sound like complaining, but I really feel unwanted when we just get together. The reason being is that you do not want to let anyone know about it, and I am really hurt when I have to walk away like a passer-by A. Sometimes, I really do feel heart-breaking and will emo for a while, yet I don't want you to know and have to pretend nothing happen.

It is really not easy to be someone like that, and I know sometimes my feelings showed on my face. It is just can't be controlled. Now, my buddies and mum is asking me why do I want to keep it a secret from everyone. I have to use our relationship in ELF to cover everything, and I can say that my mum don't think what I said is true.

The reason for me to make an effort to bring you around and show you my world, is to trying to let you know that I want you into my world. Bring you around, letting my mum, my friends and even my favourite teacher, I even want my dad to see you but I can feel that you are quite reluctant.

I believe the way that I have gone to bring our relationship to another stage is wrong, but that was just my last resolution. As I am unable to bring you to the place you want to go, due to the fact that I am not rich enough. So bring you overseas might need to postpone till I earn enough money, and I know that I can't just go like that. I also know that you will need to earn enough money for your studies and daily expenses. But I really want to be the one who is with you when you are taking your first flight.

For now, I can only promise you to Malaysia, as my financial condition might only allow us to go till Malaysia or maybe Indonesia. However, you still need to pass through your mum and I don't want you to leave home without your mum's consent.

I know that you are a person who have a lot of energy, and I really hope that you won't get boring when being with me. I was rather sad when you said that playing monopoly is very sian, and I do know that playing monopoly will be bored and I am trying to not keep you feel boring. At the moment, when you said that you felt boring playing monopoly, my mind was blank and didn't know what to do. I can feel that staying at my house all the time is very boring and you just don't want to say it because I didn't have the money to go out. Sometimes, I do feel that I shouldn't ask you out, and you might be happier with your friends. At least you are able to do what everyone else is doing, and forgive me for saying this, I do believe that you do say things that is not from your heart just to make me feel better.

I do think that sometimes I am just trying too hard without thinking about what will be your feelings. I know that you are happy when you are able to be with me, but I still think that staying at my house and play monopoly can't last long. You will feel bored and tired of playing it, and that's what makes me feel really bad. Although you might say that we can just go on simple stuff, I do believe that you still prefer something special.

I just do not know what can I do? I am wondering for very long about whether we can be together for very very long. Maybe this feeling come because of this fight ba. As you know, this fight is really serious fight that we had, and compared with the previous arguement this is so serious.

I really want to be with you for very very long, and I am trying very hard to continue our relationship. I really hope our relationship can last forever, and we will need to work hard together. If you have read this please don't get upset about anything, even if you do have come look for me k? I really don't want you to get upset when you read this long reflection.

Lastly, I just want to say:

I Love You Dear Dear.

posted at 10:07 AM

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