Thursday, April 02, 2009
I nearly got into an arguement with Dear Dear... Cuz I am too persistant about asking her to express out her feelings... I didn't mean anything, just that she use to keep things within herself and don't really share it with anyone... So I do most of the time prompt her to say it out... I think I am too sensitive about it, and she feel annoyed. She told me that I like to compare myself with others, as I told her that she have the same attitude towards me and her friends. She told me that she expected more from me, as I knew her better that her friends.
Yet, she told me that I am over sensitive, and this is what I am even before I am with her. She said that it is annoying when I kept asking when there isn't anything more to ask. I am really sad when I heard that, and I have just decided to ignore everything when she reply 'ok'. If that is what she really wants, to not persistantly asking her to express herself. All I can do is only not to ask too much.
Earlier the night, I told her that I believe that she will not tell anyone in ELF about our relationship. Her reply was 'Don't know', and I knew that she is not comfortable about letting ELF know our relationship. I really felt sad about keeping our relationship from others, and I just feel that being with me is not something that should let people know. And really, I do not want to bring up this issue anymore, as I do believe if she want to say, she will say.
She told me that the actual reason is that when our relationship is known by other, and everyone will not be so direct towards her due to my presence and position in ELF. And I felt that being with me let her lose her friends and the people who she is able to talk to.
At that moment, I felt so guilty, and wish that I wasn't in ELF.
I really think that, I expected too much in this relationship. Cuz, I really sometimes can't stand her attitude, as she is now starting to lose temper and showing attitude towards me. The most upset thing is that she is saying that this is just her and is not that I just know that she is like that.
I just don't understand and felt very puzzled, I just can't talk straight to her anymore. Sometimes, I don't even dare to talk to her about things that I don't feel good. Cuz, she will in the end say that this is just her, or say in another way that make me feel bad.
I just think that if the person wasn't her, I would have scold the person and ignore the person. She just thought that being together is about showing her true-self, and she is right and wrong. Being with another person is about showing your true-self and know what will hurt the other person. Have I just scold you and walk away? Just ignore you when I am not happy? Leave you alone when you are upset or angry?
These are things that I can do, but the reason for me not showing my attitude towards you is that during that point of time you need a person beside you. Just when I need someone beside me to hear me out and listen to my thoughts and feelings, I got your attitude in the end and I felt that I have looked for the wrong person.
Although it is like I should look for another person the share, yet the person I want to share my toubles with is you, Dear Dear. Sometimes, I do want to tell you that the way you talk should not be that attitude, but you just reply me saying 'that is me'.
I just can't tell you how I feel, and I really feel that hack care whatever is happening. But I still love you, and really don't wish to reach till that stage. And I am not a person who you express your anger at, cuz I do have feelings and I didn't say it is becuz I don't want to argue about this problem. I will try to hint you, just whether you can get my hint. If you read this blog, all I have to say is that I will still ask but will not say the second time. Sorry Dear Dear... I didn't tell you this. I just don't know how to tell you, cuz I have tried and failed. Sorry.
posted at 2:42 AM
----------------
